误区二:堆砌华丽辞藻和复杂句式(但实际不知所云)
大作文的另一大误区就是“语言丰富性”,很多学生认为,语言丰富,就是要尽量用big words,写一堆花里胡哨的单词和句型,就能拿到高分。但是,我们要知道,作文的首要目的是传达信息,如果写出来的句子考官都看不懂,那么即便用了再复杂的句型和词汇,也是徒劳。
以下是从学生作业中节选的两个案例:
反面教材一:
A foreign company willextremely stimulate the developing country's step into a considerably beneficialcompetition in long term and eventually helps the country significantly promotetheir economies.
这句话看上去词汇非常丰富,用了extremely,beneficial, considerably, eventually,significantly很多修饰语,但是,整句话读起来非常拗口,stimulate … step into… 以及considerably beneficialcompetition 这些搭配非常Chinglish,其实这句话想要表达的无非2个概念,引进外商能够帮助发展中国家营造良好的竞争环境,从而促进经济发展,这2个概念之间是因果逻辑,我们不妨用plain English 先把这层概念表达出来,然后再用thus连接两个分句:
The invitation of foreigncompanies will help developing countries to create an environment of healthycompetition, thus promoting the economy of developing countries in along term.
反面教材二:
The lack of timestudents devote to compulsory voluntary work that they could have saved up forstudy can be hard to be compensated by the result of the former, taking intoaccount that the test score which a student could get is the sole criteria thatdetermines what levels of universities they could go in some countries.
这句话写得相当复杂,这位学生故意设计了定语从句、被动态、非谓语等很多句型,可惜,最后把自己绕进去了,出现了逻辑错误。他想要表达的意思是:把原本花在学习上的时间用在了志愿服务上,会影响学业成绩,而在一些国家,能否上一个好大学,取决于分数,而非志愿服务。按照他原本的意思,lack of 是多余的,加了lack of ,反而出现了逻辑错误。
我们不妨用通俗易懂的英文来表达前半句语义,再另起一句,表示后半句大学入取的语义:
Requiring each student to participate in voluntary workmeans that their time and energy devoted to academic study may be reduced, whichwill undermine their academic performance. In some countries such as China, theadmission to a prestigious university depends on academic results rather thanvoluntary work.
因此,我们不要以为句子越长,分数就会越高,关键是语义要能表达清楚,如果出现了令考官费解的长句,反而得不偿失
下面是雅思官方真题集中节选的一段7分作文选段:
The best solution for this problem would be informing peopleabout what they eat, because sometimes we don’t know that. They have already donesomething to inform people about the characteristics of food, of course, andlabels are one of the most important things, as they tell us all theingredients of a particular food. Yet, not many people spend some of their timereading labels…
这段话看上去并没有很“高的级”,甚至有一些“口语化”,但是在考官眼里,这段话的句型和词汇是“丰富”的!考官评语中写道:考生使用了a range of linking devices,比如 Yet,使用了a good range of vocabulary,比如 informing peopleabout what they eat
这个案例告诉我们:中国人眼中的“语言丰富”和外国人眼中的“语言丰富”是不一样的,考官并没有很看重花里胡哨的、生僻的词汇,而是更看重词汇的搭配以及语言的流畅度,另外,需要指出的是,状语从句,也是复合句的一种,用好了关联词,也是加分的!
我们在遣词造句的时候,不要一味地追求复杂、高g级的词汇和句型,比如,有些考生会拼命用倒装、强调句、独立主格、定语从句等,或者想方设法写一些正常人看不懂的单词,这种思路本身就是错误的,作文的目的是要让考官看懂文章的主旨和逻辑,而不是一味地“炫技”。很多时候,一些简单的从句,看似简单、但搭配确切的小词,也能拿到高分。
可以咨询:cq.xhd.cn
更多的疑问欢迎在线咨询
官方热线电话:400-185-9090
阅读推荐:
2021年7月24日雅思写作:思想更独立,自己做选择(学习-选专业,婚姻,择偶,工作)