ld wealthy people be obliged to share their financial success with poor people by supporting health services and education, or is this the responsibility of the poor to improve their own standard of living?
I believe that wealthy people should be obliged to share their wealth with poorer people. But they should not have to support health services and education only, but other areas if they prefer.
First of all, we cannot avoid people which are poor. As an example, we see homeless in the train station, at the bus stops and asking us for money. Rich people have extra money and therefore, they should give some help to people with no housing and money.
Secondly, many people now are not finding jobs or although they are working, they are not having enough money to pay for his houses or flats especially in city-living which has a high cost of living
now. For example, people living in London are working at low income salaries but the cost of living is so higher in contrast. Therefore, it is difficult for these people to have extra money for extra things.
在引言中，作者回答了问题的第1部分，但没有回应第二部分，即穷人对自己的生活水平负责。
有一个标点符号错误和一些冗余使用单词。在第二段中，作者提供了一个主题句和示例但是这个例子非常模糊一没有提到特定的火车站或富人如何向穷人提供资金。作者没有使用同义词，而是三次使用"钱”这个词。
第二段稍微好一些，因为提供的示例很具体。
然而，时态，形容词所有格的错误(their不是his) 和大量的重复语言中的错误将使本文的得分保持在6分。
修改版本
Income and equality is an issue that has plagued civilisation since the beginning of time. Whereas, some societies strongly disagree with “every man for himself" others believe in helping their neighbour. The following essay will cover European approaches using real world examples to support arguments.
plagued civilisation --词组
Whereas,--更好的语法表现
“every man for himself” --正确应用成语性词语
helping their neighbour --不是一个明确的成语性词语，但是是表达"互相帮助”的比较有风格的说法
The following essay .--文章结构的信号词
Wealth distribution for social ends such as healthcare and education is seen as a basic societal right in Denmark. There are also tremendous benefits for levelling the playing field. For example, a recent study by the University of Copenhagen showed that when the rich were forced into sharing their income amongst the economically challenged, over 70% of the wealthy reported feeling a higher sense of wellbeing afterwards. Therefore, althoughit is undou btedly contentious, there are tremendous benefits for rich and poor alike to participate in wealth sharing endeavours.
Wealth distribution--词组.
social ends--相对less-common的表达
economically challenged--词汇表达的多样性替换 "the poor'
"levelling the playing field" --正确地应用成语性词组
rich and poor alike --更加sophisticated去表达'both".
Secondly, evidence from history shows that laying the responsibility with the poor to improve their lot is clearly an erroneous policy. In most humanitarian governmental
bodies, scientific reports have proved countless times that the initiative must start with external assistance. For instance, a pilot study showed that when poverty stricken individuals where motivated by more than just themselves i.e external mentors, they had a success rate three times
higher than self motivated candidates. Thus, experts generally agree that the most effective humanitarian assistance involves helping one to help themselves, which underscores the common expression “no man is an island”
laying the responsibility with-sophisticated的语法结构
"improve their lot" --非常合适的成语性词语来表达”提高生活品质"
erroneous policy--更好地表达"wrong policy",
humanitarian governmental bodies--话题词汇替换
....success rate three times higher than self
motivated candidates --比较结构
"no man is an island" --引用来自非常出名的英语诗句;非常合适的成语性表达词
To conclude, it is clear that when the rich share their wealth -albeit under duress- they stand to benefit. Furthermore, when the poor gain direct support the help given has a multiplier effect, therefore both actions should be strongly encouraged
-albeit under duress-学术地表达forced.
multiplier effect -词组.
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